california dreams, amsterdam reality

I haven’t allowed myself to think about you in weeks. I haven’t missed you nor craved to be around you but today hits home. I love the holidays and i didn’t this year. I’ve distanced myself from the people in my life because i hate being asked about you. I suddenly woke up one morning and knew it was time for me to do what was best for me. You’ve caused me so much pain over the last 7 years. 2019 was the shittiest year of my life thanks to you. I want so much for myself this upcoming year.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written one of these. I hurt my best friend and i haven’t been able to sleep thinking of how things were left off.